Taking advice directly from Ravenwood's Universe, the grandfather of a girl attacked by a rodentus terrorizedus, has hunted down and killed the furry little bastard with an air gun. (It is only a matter of time before the British police arrest the perpetrator for illegally carrying an air gun.)

"When I tracked him down I was surprised how big he was. He came down a tree and headed for me, but I shot him before he jumped," said Geoff Horth, who single-handedly took on the vicious squirrel. "Its a shame he went nuts, [pun intended?] but I couldn't let this little beggar hold the town to ransom."

My staff writers are urging me to apologize for making light of the situation yesterday. I had no idea the squirrel had made ransom demands. This was apparently a very grave situation indeed.