Here is today's friday five:

You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first?
My accountant.

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?
A beer.

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else?
A beer.

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom?
Aside from the 50% that Uncle Sam seizes at the point of a gun, I don't give shit away.

5. Do you invest any? If so, how?
Probably a mixture of stocks, mutual funds, and class III assault rifles. The rifles will undoubtedly net the highest return.