Boys and girls, contrary to what anti-smokers want you to believe, smoking really does make you look cool. If I hadn't been toking on a big ol' stogie at the concert, I never would have met this hot babe.

You see, anti-smoke nazis and members of the pleasure police were all nerds and dorks in high school. They were the goodie-goodies, who ratted people out for making spit balls. They were too afraid to get caught by the Vice Principal to risk looking cool. Their revenge on the popular kids is to try to stigmatize you into thinking smoking is way uncool, and that conforming to their rules will make you popular. Yeah right.

Oh yeah I almost forgot, smoking also makes you look older and more mature. So, please, feel free to light up. After all, it's your life, so enjoy it while you can.