Ravenwood - 12/06/02 12:53 PM
While Tarnato would most certainly file this "Oddly Enough" article under "Not too Brite," I can certainly relate with this perpetrator who allegedly murdered his friend for drinking his last beer.
I had a friend in college who would routinely drop by without calling, walk in without knocking, and take your last beer without asking.
Mike was definately somewhat of an oddity. On one occassion he finished off my share of the pizza while I was tied up on the telephone. On another occassion he managed to locate and consume my ENTIRE secret stash of St. Pauli Girl that was literally buried behind several cases of cheap college beer. (Beast, Olympia, and the like) As any beer drinker knows, one six-pack of Pauli Girl costs more than an entire case of Beast.
In NO way do I condone the man's actions. Instead, I am simply saying, I understand.
I look at drinking the last beer from a secular humanist point of view. I'm not actually drinking the last beer. The last guy drank the last beer, he just chose the wrong one. I'm drinking the next to last beer that was accidentally left alone, creating the illusion of the last beer.
I like beer.
Posted by: todd at December 6, 2002 4:07 PMGot-Damn. Now I wanna shoot Todd!
Posted by: Acidman at December 6, 2002 8:23 PMIts obvious to me that beer causes violence.
Also, there is no consitutional right to beer arms. Henceforth all beers shall be registered in a federal database, and test-sipped (with plenty of backwash) by law enforcement officials to make sure they can identify the culprit in the event of beer-related crime.
Federal backgound checks to prevent beer use by former felons will be completed before the beer is sold. To prevent the misuse of beer, there shall be a 3-day 'cooling off' period between the time a prospective beer owner orders his beer, and the time he may drink it.
Ex-husbands will be treated the same as felons, with beer rights totally suspended if there is a restraining order against the drinker.
In other news, Senator teetolater (D) vowed today to 'close the party loophole' whereby amataur barkeepers (misleadingly referred to as 'hosts') evaded federal beer-distributing laws regularly. He also called for banning 'wife-beater' beer (Also called assault beer - beer varieties with greater alcohol content, despite no proven links between greater alcohol content and assault.)
Some observers of the violent 'beer culture' recently became alarmed when it was revealed that 12 of the 15 9/11 hijackers attended parties while in america, and may indeed have committed their violent acts while wasted.
Posted by: Ryan Waxx at December 7, 2002 2:52 AMWhat Acidman said. Todd: that wasn't a nice thing to do to a tired woman. Were I not a lady, I'd tell you to write that fucking thing in plain English for my scrambled brains. But, since I AM a lady, I'll say no such thing.
Posted by: Da Goddess at December 7, 2002 3:09 AMLOL Ryan!
Posted by: Ravenwood at December 7, 2002 11:40 AM(c) Ravenwood and Associates, 1990 - 2014
