So, I'm watching MSNBC the other day, and they do a featurette on the always wonderful John Hawkin's 25 Pieces of Advice for Bloggers. And then Frank J. goes and writes his Blogging Tips and it's really funny. So I start thinking of stuff John and Frank J. left out. . .Stuff that's really important that Bloggers need to know. So I figured I'd take a crack at it:

Ravenwood's Advice for Bloggers

1. First of all, post lots of Top Whatever Lists and 'Best of' crap. It almost guarantees you lots of links and could even get you on TV. Hopefully this list will prove me right.

2. Secondarily, if you can't come up with your own content, raid your blogroll for ideas. Bloggers are usually too poor to sue you for stealing their ideas, and too lazy to report you to the FEC for illegal campaign contributions. If they do come after you, try the Jedi Mind Trick.

3. Make sure your permalink URLs are created using keywords from the entry. That way nanny filters can toss anything having to do with porn, guns, cigarettes, or booze and block those readers who are cyberslacking at work.

4. Should you be fortunate enough to earn that coveted Instalanche, make sure you post a message at the top saying "Welcome Instapundit Readers!" That shows your regular readers just how unimportant you think they are.

5. If you're a Femme Blogger, be sure to post lots of naked photos of yourself. If you're too shy, just send them to me and I'll post them.

6. If you can't afford a webhost, just hotlink photos from other sites. You should get a bounce in traffic when that webmaster starts bitching and moaning about you stealing his bandwidth.

7. When you send out promotional emails, be sure to do it from your work address. It's so much easier to complain to your boss that way.

8. If you blog about work, make sure you get all the names and dates correct. That could end up being evidence in your wrongful termination lawsuit.

9. Post about owning a lot of guns. That makes people think twice about calling you names in the comments.

10. Whatever you do don't start posting icons for each entry. Once you do, you won't be allowed to stop.

11. If you need help with anything, don't bother looking it up yourself. Just post an entry asking your readers to do it for you.

12. Familiarity is overrated. Keep changing the look and feel of your website every few weeks.

13. People with small monitors and vision problems be damned. Go ahead an used fixed font sizes and screen widths. The horizontal scroll bar is our friend.

14. Midi files are cool. Nothing says web expertise like having your favorite 1970s TV theme playing as soon as your web site loads.

15. Hide the volume control on your favorite 1970s TV theme.

16. Finally, never admit to watching loser networks like MSNBC. Even if they are cleaning up their act with stories about Right Wing News.