10 Ways to Please Your Man

iconFirst this girl made a goofy list about what men should do for women to please them. A few guys like this guy, felt the list was more than a little self serving. Considering it contained items like "walk her dog or dangle toys for her cat", and "surprise her one day by washing, vacuuming, and gassing up her car" I tend to agree with his point. Sorry ladies, but if I play with your dog it is because I like your dog, not because I want to get into your pants. Talk about over-analyzing things. (BTW, if I vacuum your house for you, it is because I want to get into your pants.)

That said, I've got a short list of my own that I think compares to Shell's list.

10 Ways to Please Your Man*

  1. Shut the hell up. Sometimes guys just wants some peace and quiet; especially during football season. Remember, it's not you that's the problem, it's your mouth.

  2. Get him a beer. A guy works hard all day, and a cold beer helps a guy put up with a women who just will not follow rule number one.

  3. If you want something special for your birthday, anniversary, or just because, ask for it. Men are not mind readers, and most still won't get the hint if you spell it out with beer nuts. If you want to save time taking it back to the store to exchange it, make sure he knows the exact size, color, model number, and place to buy it. Better yet, just buy it yourself and send him the bill.

  4. Leggo the remote. Men like to be in control of things. He doesn't want to be seen having you control his TV set any more than he wants to be seen having you drive him around town in your minivan.

  5. Speaking of cars, how about you say something when the damned oil light comes on. Don't expect that light to buzz or flash when the problem gets worse, or to just go away by itself. If you want to give your man a real feeling of self worth, let him take care of it for you.

  6. Clean up your damned feminine products. There's nothing a guy hates more than having to wade through your time of the month crap when he's trying to go to the john, or worse, brush his teeth.

  7. Don't make us put up with your mother. If we liked your mother, we'd talk to her. Telling us to be nice to her only makes us hate you for the same reasons we hate her.

  8. Don't ask us if you look fat in anything. You don't want an honest answer, and probably won't like it if you get it. Besides, if you're fat, you shouldn't blame the clothes.

  9. Don't wait for men to notice things. Even if a guy notices you cut/changed/colored your hair, he's not going to say anything because for all he knows you did it two months ago.

  10. Don't over analyze us. Men are what they are, so don't treat us like some sort of science experiment. Anything you read about us in Cosmo is wrong, and the only reason it was put in there was to sucker your dimwitted self into buying the magazine.
I could go on and on, but I think the top 10 are a good start. If you can master these, you should be able to please just about any real man*.

* These techniques may have little or no effect on "metrosexual man" that the feminazis have created. If you have one of those, throw him back and try again.


Thing is, Rave, both your list here and Shell's list are spot-on.

The key to charming a member of the opposite sex is to break your gender-patterns for her now and then. Not always; that would drain it of significance, and besides, what (heterosexual) woman wants a man who behaves just like a woman? But now and then, turning away from your private preferences to please her will definitely score. You have my word on that as an experienced Casanova. Well, all right, modestly experienced.

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at September 8, 2003 5:13 PM

Nothing sexual?
I was thinking of making some additions to the end of several of these but as I have gotten older I have gotten a bit wiser so rather than coming right out with it I will let you use your imagination.

Posted by: Starhawk at September 8, 2003 8:49 PM

#11 Quit dictating values to us; we know what we like.

Posted by: Brett at September 8, 2003 9:04 PM

Good advice. I porpose #12: If I give something to you, is not to get into your pants, is because I want to give it to you. I am not buying you.
On the other hand, if I want to have sex with you, I'll tell you out front.

Posted by: Camilo at September 11, 2003 12:34 PM

# 13
Swallow or I'm outta here.

Posted by: Brent at September 13, 2003 10:11 PM

some are reasonable but most gurls wouldn't stick with a guy like this for very long. who cares if u dont like her mother...is it THAT hard to put on a smile for her? And guys like they have in cosmo do excist i've met a few and if u've ever read a cosmo u'd know its all about pleasing ur man!so u should be thankful for cosmo

Posted by: Brie at November 3, 2003 1:35 PM

I'll give you a beer if you do the same for me, and if I shut the hell up during your game then you shut the hell up while I'm on the phone. Reciprocity is where it's at men. Oh, and leaving feminine products out is nasty, and so is being fat. And I know how to take my car to the shop to get the oil changed, so feel valuable some other way, like cooking me dinner. Welcome to the 21st. Century!

Posted by: Venda at November 7, 2003 12:50 AM

Your an ASSHOLE. I would be suprised if you actually have a woman.

Posted by: Sexy at December 16, 2003 9:53 AM

Rule #14

A woman wants respect, not your approval guys. Treat her like a queen and she just might shut the hell up. If when you met her, she liked diamonds, what you all about buyin' her cubic circonia or should I say cubic cir"cheap"ia? The key to keeping either side happy is to maintain that beauty or joy that you originally found attractive in him or her. The ultimate factor in successful relationships is total satisfaction. Tell your man or woman they look cute and always make them feel sexy. But be honest too. If she/or he begins to slowly look like "who-shot-John" all the time, tell them. And remember relationships are all about choice. Don't hook up with a fatty patty if you into skinny minnies. And why guys have such a problem with seeing sanitary products lying around, how bout y'all keep those dooty "skeet" marks out them draws y'all just toss anywhere in the house. Going back to rule #14, one of which I'll deem my favorite, show some respect!

Posted by: Misha at January 15, 2004 6:41 PM

Okay, I understand some of those, but have you realized that marriages involving men like that are worthless. Nothing comes out of them, and as for the whole mother-in-law thing, we put up with your rude ass friends! I smile, I'm nice, try it...its actually not as hard as you think. Women are here to help you, not spoon feed you and change your diapers. So...the next time you call to your woman for a beer, I hope she throws it at your thick ass head!

Posted by: Brittni at March 20, 2004 4:19 AM

Venda your an asshole! You wake up honey and make me some dinner!!! :)

Posted by: Maria at May 12, 2004 12:40 AM

I see no problem with these top 10. Obviously the women who have been offended are probably single. I can shut up because I would also like to watch the game... If I am getting myself a beer whats one more. I would much rather buy things myself and will be happy to hand over the bill. But myman goes shopping with me!! I give up the remote because I will be falling asleep when he is rubbing my feet! Why get interrested in something. I tell my man no matter what happens to my car... not my problem he pays for the car he maintains it! Ok now if you don't clean up your monthly crap your just nasty! I am not fat and if I was and wanted to ask someone it would not be my man... like he is really going to say yes. Yeah ladies lets ask for a fight! I expect nothing of my man exspecially to notice when I color my roots!! Please the point is to not have people to notice! Whats Cosmo, and why do they think they know everything? If I want to know something about my man I will just ask him!!

I swear this is too funny. I love my man and he loves me. I was just looking to find a new way to turn him on... and look what I got myself into!

Posted by: lavrose at September 27, 2005 2:09 PM

omg do u have any respect for women at all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that sounds like we are meant to be slaves or summat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!fuk off rite a girl will do what she has to do

Posted by: sam at November 5, 2007 9:22 PM

You are such BITCH get a life

Posted by: Gillian at November 15, 2007 4:14 PM

Man, this list is wack!!!!! You have little or no regard for women in today's society. Women like me love my career and loves my man for bring me a drink when I,m tired too. We both have careers and support and love each other. So you need to revised that scumbag!!!!!

Posted by: ShanShan at November 15, 2007 4:18 PM

hey ..... guyss .... LOOKING FOR ... a gurl w/big tits , willing to swallow your big fat cock & lick it .... suck it dry .... huh , guys ? haha .... The world would be @ peace if we all started to have more sex , & let all that frustration out .... make love not WAR baby ...

Posted by: BIGTITS at November 15, 2007 9:17 PM

Hey guys ... looking for a gurl with big round tits .... that is willing to suck your big fat cock dry .... & swallow all your nasty jizZ ? hahaha .... Make LOVE not WAR ! if we all started having more sex there would be more PEACE & LOVE !

Posted by: BIGTITS at November 15, 2007 9:53 PM

Firstly I compleetly agree with your view on the woman thing. I think that all a woman really needs is a man to love her and take care of her. Un like most women i think it is my job to take care of my husbands needs what ever they are, he in retern feels good about helping me every once in a while (unpressured) and I think he feels good about him self. How ever I think that if you expect the woman to get your beer and stuff like that it is almost as bad as dangling a cat toy. I think you both need to respect eachother and do things for eachother and comprimise when necessary.

Posted by: Jessica at November 29, 2007 4:32 AM

all these things that everyone is saying is true. it just really depends on the guy and the girl. if a relationship is meant to work you both must fulfill each others needs, and those vary from person to person. just pick a guy/girl that makes you happy, dont change someone or be someone your not just to keep a man/women. find someone that fulfills what you desire in a relationship, and that is fulfilled by you.

Posted by: brianna at January 14, 2008 10:47 AM

i think you are right slightly blunt but right... lol.. I love taken care of my man makes me feel good i love to cook him dinner and clean the house i get him his beer when he needs it and if his boys are over i get them there beer to... if i want to talk to him i will but i wait till he isn't busy like when we get up in the morning after he gets ready for work i hav his breakfast ready and he asks me my plans for the day. i know damn well that if i want something he is not going to hav ne idea what the hell it is so i tell him i need 20 bucks to get a new shirt he says here you go and we are good when we watch tv we watch what he wants because i fall asleep first and if it is something i really don't want to watch i just ask him to flip it or go to a difrent tv. and when my car breaks i know i can't fix it i would hate to pay to hav it fixed when i know i can watch my baby go out there get all sweaty and greasy and look hot as hell. yea it is nice to cuz he will get me flowers on the way home and when he is drinkn beer and gets up he will get me a winekooler. he goes out and gets me food in the middle of the night when i am craving something so i don't hav to go out into the cold. the girls who hav issues with what u want are single, have a guy who doesnt do things for them, or there man sux in bed. I love doing things for my guy cuz i know damn well that when it comes time for loving im going to get mine and he knows i would do anything for him cuz he would do the same for me if i asked so what is the point in doing things thatjust annoy him if i can keep him happy id love to...

Posted by: killer at February 23, 2008 11:41 PM

As a woman who is looking for ways to not ruin her relationship that she shares with such a lovely man, i totally agree with all of the 10 statements listed above.

P.S. - i like when my man tells me if i look fat in something!

Posted by: A Woman who can please her Man! at March 30, 2008 7:03 PM

Ok people, theres no need to get all upity about this... I mean, I'm sure this was written all in good fun in order to be light hearted. I'm sure that noone is going to read this list and suddenly decide that this IS what she need's to do in order to please her man BUT if this is already how she is with her man then GOOD FOR HER if this is what she finds pleases him and is in a loving enough relationship to care for his needs. However, like women, all men are different and are pleased in different ways, so other men may frown at this list; all relationships sould be equal but different things are always going to make us happy!! :D

Posted by: Danielle at March 31, 2008 3:53 PM


Posted by: Lps at April 12, 2008 4:19 AM

This is funny, and all the comments after are funny.
People just treat your significant other good. And calm down, this is just a website. And ladies if you don't like shutting the hell up during a foot-ball game, you probably shouldn't date a man who likes it. See, its really quite simple.
And guys, if you don't like dealing with feminine products then maybe you should be gay instead, girls have monthlies. GET OVER IT.

Posted by: Spazz at May 28, 2008 2:17 AM

Ok look guys you need to grow up. We put up with your crap all the time. If you want to get technical you have many flaws, but I choose to overlook them because I love my man. But thank you for the tips I'll think about them.

Posted by: stephanie at June 20, 2008 7:57 PM

To be honest, me and my partner have been having alot of arguments recently and thats why im looking on here, we have been together for 4 years im 5 and a half months pregnant, the whole time we have lived together i have been working and paid all the bills , and gotten myself into debt, and i agree alot of relationships would be better if the woman would do those things for there partners, but there are also alot of men like mine, Who make's me get the bus even tho im pregnant i have to do all the washing, ironing cleaning some cooking paying bills taking care of his bills aswell, literally doing everything!! and if he has a day or two off then he does nothing and the house is a tips there pots all over the place he doesnt even wash his work uniform i have to do that for him, all the money i earn goes on bills and shopping for us and his goes on him. and when he gets tips he never even tells me he just buys something new for himself. So yeah i agree some men should be left alone to enjoy there down time , but others deserve and ear bashing ! and the winging and moaning, bescause i think that women who do everything for there men and then still want everything that you have mentioned need to think again coz i tel ya im really miffed with it !!!

Posted by: liza at July 2, 2008 3:51 PM

You're a pathetic excuse for a man.

1. if my mouth is such a problem dont bother asking for head or a kiss. EVER.
2. if a guy is so whiney about work that he has to drink the second he gets home. he can go whine to his momma cause i'm not putting up with it.
3. we dont expect you to read our minds, most women who are in love dont care what the present is, if you get something wrong we'll say thanks and end it there, just cause we're women dont assume the worst from us.
4. i'll let him have the remote at his house but if hes at mine he'll get it when i give it to him. my boyfriend and i decide TOGETHER what we watch.
5. not all women are incompetent when it comes to cars, i take care of my boyfriends car. dont stereotype us.
6. okay i will. when you STOP pissing all over the toilet , put the seat down and wipe off the damn counters after you shave. AND DONT USE MY RAZOR.
7. boys, dont assume your mother is any easier to tolerate than ours. you do the same shit don't be a hypocrit.
8.if a girl asks an opinion on clothes she wants the truth dumb ass or she wouldnt ask. and if she asks your opinion on her clothes be lucky she wants to please you with the way she looks.
9. men who arent whiney womanizing beer chugging couch potatos like you notice those things.
10.dont talk about us treating YOU like science experiments when i can tell you're the kind of sorry bastard that trys to tell every girlfriend he gets that she needs shorter skirts a perfect tan and implants. dont try to act like men are sooo over analyzed when this society expects all women to be perfect and you know it.

11. get a reality check buddy cause any woman with a brain would boot you're lil ass out the door for a real man if you treated her like that.

Posted by: erica at July 24, 2008 6:07 PM

oh my fucking god what a wanker who the fuck are you to make rules about us women anyway what you think your god or something bloody hell man get a life and get into a nut house where i think you should be.tell me would you even say that to your sister or mum and get away with that shite um no you wouldnt dipshite,i am with erica everthing she said is more then true,i wouldnt let my man tell me what to do and hell no he wouldnt even try it ,he know that i dont up with crap and yet he dose everything for me and about the beer thing he asks me do i want one or il do the same,i mean what are you like 12 GROW THE FUCK UP and for the love of god MAN YOU'LL NEVER WILL GET A WOMAN UNLESS SHE VERY VERY HARD UP TO BE WITH SUCH A JACKASS LIKE YOU laura

Posted by: laura at December 29, 2008 5:37 PM

oh my fucking god what a wanker who the fuck are you to make rules about us women anyway what you think your god or something bloody hell man get a life and get into a nut house where i think you should be.tell me would you even say that to your sister or mum and get away with that shite um no you wouldnt dipshite,i am with erica everthing she said is more then true,i wouldnt let my man tell me what to do and hell no he wouldnt even try it ,he know that i dont up with crap and yet he dose everything for me and about the beer thing he asks me do i want one or il do the same,i mean what are you like 12 GROW THE FUCK UP and for the love of god MAN YOU'LL NEVER WILL GET A WOMAN UNLESS SHE VERY VERY HARD UP TO BE WITH SUCH A JACKASS LIKE YOU laura

Posted by: laura at December 29, 2008 5:38 PM

Dude your fuckin awesome!!!

Posted by: Nick at January 8, 2009 5:05 AM

Well actually us women put up with alot of SHIT!! From man for many different reasons either we're inlove,married,submissive or just flat out dum.. But no matter the reason it maybe we still stick by your sides cooking,cleaning,being a mother to your children,and giving you good sex,and terrific head to try and keep you asses happy. So be greatful and give us the love and respect you really know us woman deserve!!!

Posted by: dawnesha at January 20, 2009 5:01 PM

Well actually us women put up with alot of SHIT!! From man for many different reasons either we're inlove,married,submissive or just flat out dum.. But no matter the reason it maybe we still stick by your sides cooking,cleaning,being a mother to your children,and giving you good sex,and terrific head to try and keep you asses happy. So be greatful and give us the love and respect you really know us woman deserve!!!

Posted by: dawnesha at January 20, 2009 5:04 PM

oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!talk about shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!can we say male shovinistic PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. SHUT THE HELL UP I DONT THINK SO cause of a stupid football game. get you a beer? what are u the sole provider?remotes if i pay the damn bills its my remote.cars aint shit. little boy if you can keep up with me then your a man. I drove 18 wheelers for 25 yrs 80,000 lbs. so sit down and shut up.and if you were my old man u would clean anything up i asked you.So when you grow up and stop being a right winged activist then you will realise that your a little boy in a man's body. grow up.

Posted by: minka at February 3, 2009 9:49 PM

you men are pathetic. we women are NOT slaves. if we talk a lot, and you married us, then that obviously means one of two things: one find that aspect of us attractive, or you're plain dumb for marrying someone with a quality you disagree with. also, maybe if you did some more work around the house, the smallest of it taking out the damned garbage once in a while, then maybe you'd be aloud to watch your football games in peace. men and women don't marry someone who has a quality they hate, they marry them because they like it! the key to happiness is making sure you don't piss the other off! women wouldn't piss off men if men helped around the house a bit and didn't totally ignore them, and men wouldn't piss off women if they helped around the house! think of that and see if you can get results, then think of complaining!

Posted by: Amber at February 13, 2009 10:53 AM

Hey! My husband & I thought that was funny as hell.Thanks for a good laugh.Some of these women just need to change their tampon get off there bitch cycle & learn how to take a joke.

Posted by: Dawn at March 6, 2009 7:04 PM

WHOA!!!!! How about YOU RAVEN........YES YOU, YOU SEXIST WANKER!!!!!!! How about you shut the fuck up, not all guys are how you described them in your damn list, maybe YOU should pull your head out of your ass and bow to the women who gave birth to your sorry ass, if it we're for the females on this planet.........HELLO ASSHOLE YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE, any who.........FUCK YOU RAVEN, do you ever think that maybe when we females bitch about certain shit, maybe we want help with whatever it is we're bitching about hhhmmmm??? And yes this is the 20-21st century, NOT the 17th century where the women are treated like slaves. I hope you die a horrible death and may it not be a natural death either you fucking wanker

Posted by: Dark Gypsy at March 17, 2009 2:49 AM

well, as a women. i would like to say that you have really nailed it. im not a traditional nagging bitch like 95% of the female population and well if women would spend some time and get to know real men instead of these pretty wanna be'es well they would realize how easy men really are (to figure out that is lol) BEER, TV, FOOD, AND SEX... its so simple... when they walk through the door from working all day hand them a beer, let them sit down and watch the tube for a few then serve dinner... over dinner dont bitch about ur day theirs was probably worse... then when its time to go to bed... if he starts in with the moves PUT OUT!!! thats it! so simple! so ladies... stop trying to control or change ur man... he is what he is!!!!

Posted by: kalannya at July 26, 2009 3:18 AM

oh and one more thing... a women does not have to be dumb to take care of a man the way he wants... after reading some of the comments other women have left i am disappointed and shocked that there are so many narrow minded women in this world. if you find a man who loves you and takes care of you well then there is no reason he should not get what he wants most of the time... i have a full time job and i still manage to clean the house and cook dinner by the time my man gets home. prove that you are a strong women dont bitch about it... you should be proud of what u can do instead of bitching about it... the more we let men belive they are right the more we get what we want... im only 22 and i already know that... stop telling this guy to grow up for his opinion... you grow up and like he said... shut up!!!! no one wants to hear it....

Posted by: kalannya at July 26, 2009 3:30 AM

sounds like you need a blow up doll

Posted by: kandee at August 24, 2009 4:26 AM



Posted by: RJ at August 29, 2009 8:51 AM

number 7 is realy funny lol
number 3 is wrong i would never ask my man to buy me something for my birthday its so not romantic i would rather buy myself something.

RJ who said we want u guys to treat us like queens??? all we want is a real man who can stand up for us when we need him n trust me if u take a good care of ur woman she will do the same to u

Posted by: Rana at September 27, 2009 10:08 AM

nice message

Posted by: TARA NGA at February 10, 2010 6:13 AM

Couldn't have said it better!!! Women that is exactly how to please your man!! But i was just wanting to read about something sexual!!! But anyways............

Posted by: carolyn at March 11, 2010 9:40 PM

This so true. Me and my man have been together for six years and I can't tell you how many times we argue about the things on this list. smh. I printed this and put it on the fridge and will pass it out to friends as christmas gifts. LOL....

Posted by: Princess04 at June 15, 2010 11:19 PM


Posted by: QUEEN at September 12, 2010 6:35 PM

look here not all guys are like that and most of the guys i have talked to arent like that.... usually wut pleases my man doesnt consist of any of that. ya he likes me cooking for him and he likes having a clean house..... but he also likes having sex so ya ppl might think poor of me or wut ev but at least i know i am good to him but not bossed around!!!! and actually i am the boss cuz well i am the chick not the man lmaoo {♥ my man max}

Posted by: liljay at January 2, 2011 11:22 PM

LOOK ladies, treat your man like a king and he will treat you like a queen and take care of you

Posted by: lil_momma at January 19, 2011 12:56 PM

This list is perfect cuz that means I'm doing everything right except that I worry about not pleasing him thank you thank you ahhh i can relax!

Posted by: Cecia at February 19, 2011 11:30 PM

every girl that commented on this that said they disagree are either going to die alone, or are black.

Posted by: Anonymous at November 29, 2011 11:11 PM

This always seemed to make my boyfriend pretty happy http://howtofixstuff.blogspot.ca/2012/02/how-to-turn-guy-on.html

Posted by: Chelsey23 at April 6, 2012 9:01 PM
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